Friday, May 05, 2006

Don't go there

Double decker busThe Guardian has a useful guide on where not to go on holiday in the UK. Some highlights:

  • London: If you hanker after the London experience, sit in a bathful of your own sweat in a room full of exhaust fumes and pale sneering people in shorts, and burn twenties with a lighter.

  • Rock: "Now that we've finished frittering away daddy's money at Winchborough College and Oxbridge, I quite fancy destroying the peace and tranquillity of a small Cornish fishing village with my braying voice and the kind of behaviour that would get me an Asbo were I not protected by the amulet of overprivilege."

  • Yorkshire: Lovely scenery, but there are people in the West Riding who have lived there since 1106 but are still not accepted as true Yorkshiremen because rumour has it that their mother bought clogs from a pedlar who had a cousin in Prestbury, thereby blighting the bloodline forever. They make Londoners look like Hawaiian greeter girls.

  • Lake District: If you do manage to hike your way to a beautiful view, it will be ruined within seconds by jabbering foreign tourists eager to digitise rather than appreciate the landscape so they can share the view immediately with the folks back home in Shanghai.

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